I feel old when...

• the other mommies at my daughter's school address me as "Ate" and punctuate sentences directed at me with "po"
• it dawns on me that the increasing number of light brown moles on my skin may actually be liver spots
• the kids I see at reunions are not my nieces and nephews but my grandkids
• I enter the likes of Freedom Bar and 70's Bistro and think, "THE MUSIC'S TOO LOUD!!!"
• I count with my fingers the number of times I've been to funerals in the last couple of years and realize that I don't have enough digits
• people advise me to cut down on sugar, caffeine, fatty foods and all the other good stuff
• I hear the words gout, rheumatism, arthritis, glaucoma, hypertension and they aren't just vague concepts anymore
  
• my gay stylist insists that I should get a dye job
• I ride an IKOT jeep and it strikes me that the fare is now twenty times more expensive than when I was still in UP
• I bump into former classmates and they look ancient
• I see my reflection in a display window at the mall and I go, "Oooh, there's my mom!"
• my friend's and I get together and conversation almost always heads toward what aches and pains we've been feeling and what maintenance medicines we're taking
• somebody compliments me on looking so young.