It's vanity, is all

It is my hope to be able to look fixedly at my reflection in the mirror--- with conviction, confidence and acceptance. To look myself in the eye everyday and say, "You're okay."

I've always behaved within certain boundaries, restricting my actions, feelings and thoughts to what is acceptable--- as a child, a friend, a sister, a mother, a wife, a woman. I've spent years trying to measure up, fit in and get along.

It's almost impossible to say "I'm okay" when people who matter to me say, "You're not." Not smart enough, not kind enough, not loving enough, not interesting enough, not funny enough, not thin enough, not feminine enough, not beautiful enough, not sensitive enough, not supportive enough, not happy enough, not grateful enough...

Not enough. I'm incomplete and lacking.

Though I am imperfect, I am also unfinished.

I've decided I want to think and feel as I please, and I should not have to suffer in guilt for it. I want to be able to experience friendships with other people, as me; not as someone's child, wife or mother.

I am all that. But that is not all I am.